There is something incomprehensible about being frozen in a needless limbo amidst the never-stopping motion of need. A week from now is the inauguration and I could be excitedly planning what to do. Last week, I met a gentleman who could, possibly, be my ticket to a new, dream job. I could be on the phone with him right now, following up. There is no cooked food in the fridge. I could be...washing pieces of goat meat.
But I don't want to. I don't want to do a thing to respond to the constant, noisy motion of life's never-ending immediate-action items. Is this unemployment blues, self-pity or just unhealthy self-loathing. I can't say.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
'Tis the Season of...Domestication
Where did my first Christmas in Maryland go?
I do remember being here. I arrived in October, visited NY for a few days, and then I was here...getting to know the man I'd married, searching for a job, learning to cook, learning to operate the DVR, and reveling in an odd sort of nostalgia for things I used to despise but missed. So it seems amidst all the life-altering cooking and speculating, I completely missed out on my first winter and my first Christmas in Maryland.
As self-involved as that sounds, it's not every year you get a second chance at any of life's firsts.
Anyhoo, so technically this really is my first feel of December's icy winds ruthlessly slapping my numb face as I rush to 19th and L St., late as usual for work. I wasn't working last year at this time so I didn't get to enjoy it as much as I am now, every good morning. God bless them winds, they never fail me.
But hold it, my ode to winter will not be complete without my love for all things Christmas. Notwithstanding my utter dismay at not having a Muslim holiday that necessitates giving gifts, I do love peeping shamelessly into random strangers' homes to gaze wistfully at their ostentatious Christmas displays and brightly lit trees...oh, the trees! To have the license to squander your hard-earned cash on quirky ornaments and tacky red bows, to hang hundreds of multi-colored lights on a hundred dollar tree in your living room and risk burning your house down, and to stand in a mall trying really hard to recall a forgotten memory of a cranky old uncle/sibling desperately needing something...Christmas kicks ass! And then there is the month-long period of perfectly accepted inefficiency that is a delightful shout-out to Muslim countries during Ramadan. We're all just so much more similar than we realize.
And finally, to end on a note that makes a connection with this post's title--you can release your bated breath now--I have been domesticated, I learn, and slightly artisticated (not a real word). At least to the extent of taking a wire of white and gold beads and entwining it with my very depressing looking autumnsy wreath, and turning the autumnsy wreath festive! And putting some house plants generously donated by my mother-in-law around the house (to clean some of that toxic, over-heated Qureshi household air). And making a slightly tacky wedding pictures collage and sticking it to the wall. If only I would learn how to drill a hole in the wall now and put up my cheap photo prints.
Happy holidays :-)
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Kobe Bryant Scores 25 In Holy Shit We Elected A Black President
The Onion
November 06, 2008
LOS ANGELES — Lakers shooting guard Kobe Bryant had a typically solid performance from the field last night, scoring 25 points to propel his team to a holy shit, it's hard to believe these words are even gracing this page, but on Tuesday, Nov. 4, 2008, the American people elected a black man to the office of the President of the United States.
Words really can't describe how…or what, or…. Wow.
Bryant, who got off to a slow start early, but managed to find his touch late in the third, incredible. A black president for a nation whose entire history has been haunted by the specter of slavery and plagued by racism since before its inception. That this happened in our lifetime is remarkable; that it happened within 50 years of a time when segregation was still considered an acceptable institution is astonishing. Absolutely astonishing. This is an achievement on par with the moon landing.
Bryant closed out the fourth quarter with eight points in five minutes.
"It was just a question of finding my rhythm, not forcing it, and playing within the offense," said Bryant, who also...a black man. President. Not the president of a community board, or the president of a business, but the president of the United States of America—the highest office in the land, the commander in chief, the de facto leader of the free world—is a black man chosen by a majority of his fellow citizens.
"This game shows you that free throws really do matter and [the great American Paradox—that is, the conflicting notion that a nation could be founded on the guiding principle that all men are created equal, but be built upon the backs of slaves—may not have been completely resolved on Tuesday night, but it was certainly resolved to an extent that would have been unimaginable to Founding Fathers Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, and most certainly Thomas Jefferson, and it was resolved by the combined will of the American people]."
"You also have to give the bench a lot of credit," Bryant added.
Lakers forward Lamar Odom also chipped in with 16 points and eight boards in the historic 349-162 Electoral College victory over the slumping Clippers, who are clearly missing the presence of former power forward Elton Brand—a Democrat, let alone a black Democrat, winning Indiana for the first time in 44 years? Florida? Ohio? Maybe even North goddamned Carolina? Are you fucking kidding? Is it absolutely confirmed that he won Virginia? Virginia, for crying out loud. Fucking crazy is what that is.
The 2008 league MVP was solid on the defensive end of the court as well, holding Clippers guard Baron Davis to just 12 points and when they called Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Florida for Obama, basically ensuring victory, that was a moment in which all Americans, regardless of race, creed, color, or party affiliation had to stand back and say, "Holy shit, this is actually going to happen. Holy shit.... Holy shit. Holy shit! Holy shit!"
The undefeated Lakers came into Wednesday night's game against the Clippers with a 3-0 record, and looked to continue their dominance in states like New York, California, and Massachusetts, but Bryant looked to get Lakers center Virginia involved early, and as recently as four years ago, it would have been unfathomable that citizens there would vote for a Democrat, let alone an African-American.
"We see the election of a black president, and Pau Gasol's good shooting night, as a positive sign of things to come," Lakers head coach Phil Jackson said. "It's still early in the season, and there are a lot of things we need to work on, but I'm a product of the '60s, a baby boomer, so I'll blame our lull in the third quarter on me thinking back to the race riots during the civil rights movement, the assassination of Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., and the separate but equal laws that plagued this nation, and how I thought then that in a million years we would never elect a black president. The fact that I am even saying these words is pretty fucking incredible."
"Kobe works well when he remains poised and trusts the triangle offense," Jackson added.
Two hundred thousand people of different races and ages—some crying, some cheering, all overjoyed because of the racial barrier they helped break down—were in attendance at Chicago's Grant Park for Wednesday's game, and stayed through the night, laughing, singing, cheering, and high-fiving even after the Lakers game was over and they won Colorado and the election was officially in garbage time.
Said Lakers forward Barack Obama to the entire world on his team's victory: "Yes, we can."
Fucking right we can. We did! We really did! I don't mind telling you I spilled out into the street along with all my joyfully screaming neighbors and danced right there to whatever songs anybody wanted to sing, including—and I can't believe we actually did this, but compared to electing a black man to the presidency, absolutely nothing is unbelievable anymore—an impromptu version of "God Bless America," which is the least danceable song in the world, but fuck it, we sang and danced to "God Bless America," and I'll bet you anything that no one there ever meant it more.
"I just wish that my mother, father, and grandfather could have seen this," said 52-year-old African-American Mark Booker, a Lakers fan who called this the single greatest moment of his entire life. "We won. We won. We won."
Still Alive and Kicking
After a dream vacation (where you have your mom worrying about what you had for breakfast and don't have to do your own laundry) I am back. The end of the elections; Ohio going for Obama; MQ and TQ killing a half-dead mouse from above the couch; lots and lots of Pakistan-made prettiness for our house; and beautiful, beautiful fall. There is too much to talk about, too little time. Too many pictures to upload, too.
And I finally voted. Yes, I am ashamed of my 26 years of not voting (to be fair, I only had once chance to vote in the eight years of Musharraf, as I turned eighteen in 2000. I blew it by not having a National ID). But how often do you get your first vote so, so right:)?
Okay more when I am not at work.
And I finally voted. Yes, I am ashamed of my 26 years of not voting (to be fair, I only had once chance to vote in the eight years of Musharraf, as I turned eighteen in 2000. I blew it by not having a National ID). But how often do you get your first vote so, so right:)?
Okay more when I am not at work.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Obamanomics Vs. McCain
Did this for NGLCC BIZ -- a comparison between the two candidates' policies on four internal issues: taxes, health, energy and foreign trade. Broken into four parts, below is the first installment, on taxes.
-----------------
While comparing both the candidates’ economic agendas, one thing is quickly made clear – both have retained the basic economic thrust of their parties. That said, both claim to have tinkered where they can to add their own touches.
Obama, for instance, has admitted to being more accommodating of free market principles than many of his fellow democrats are, even publicly appreciating some of Reagan-era policies. His idea of solving an economic crisis may be setting up a government program to address a market failure, but then he’d also like to exploit market dynamics to drive that program in long-term. Also, in an interview with The New York Times, he proposes what he calls a more ‘moral’ capitalism. The best example of this ideology would be his proposal for a windfall profits tax on oil companies. It defies everything that free market economics teaches, and yet, according to his campaign, makes up for the unjustifiable tax breaks the energy industry has received in the past.
McCain on the other hand has tried to reaffirm his reputation as a reformer, by declaring an ambitious agenda to combat federal corruption and discourage corporate lobbying for incentives and tax breaks. Simultaneously, his plan has also retained the traditional republican thrust on cutting taxes and providing the largest investors the largest incentives, promoting the same economic trickle down formula made popular by Reagan – where the effects of reducing taxes on corporate investors are expected to trickle down to the entire economy and fund the budget deficit.
In this series of articles, I've looked at certain elements of the candidates’ economic policy from a business perspective – taxes, health care, energy and trade. This is the first installment, on their tax policies.
Taxes - Reading Between the Lines
Income Tax
Obama seeks to propose a tax-cut program that is friendlier to the lower-income families, but not so much to the wealthier class making more than $250,000 a year. Interestingly, despite not cutting taxes for the entire population like McCain will, Obama’s tax plan will produce annual net savings of $900 for the population on average, as compared to McCain’s $200. Research by the non-partisan Tax Policy Center (TPC) shows how traditional big tax breaks given by Republican governments in the past haven’t always benefited lower and middle families. A major reason for this is the fact that for lower and middle-income families, it is the payroll tax – and not the income tax – which takes the most away from them. Obama’s other major cut is a $500 credit applied toward income taxes based on payroll taxes already paid.
Although unsympathetic to the top income earners when put in context with McCain’s plan, whose biggest tax reduction is for those with incomes above $2.87 million, Obama’s tax increases don’t overburden the segment. They do take away Bush’s tax cuts, but still do not entirely reverse the huge pre-tax gains made by the top 1 per cent earners whose incomes have nearly doubled in the past decade.
McCain’s campaign has promised to permanently extend the 2001 and 2003 tax cuts, increase deductions for taxpayers supporting dependents, reduce the corporate income tax rate, and allow immediate deductions for investments in certain capital equipment. His greatest tax cuts – nearly 5% - are for those making above $2.87 million. His remaining tax cuts range from 1 to 3 per cent, applicable to those making between $66,000 and $227,000.
Corporate Income Tax
One of the key emphases of McCain’s tax policy has been how it benefits the business sector. McCain has promised to cut the corporate income tax rate from 35 percent to 25 percent, which will indeed result in a significant tax break for the C Corporations. For the small business sector though, this may not be as beneficial as a majority of small corporations are S Corporations, partnerships, limited liability corporations (LLCs), or sole proprietorships, none of which pay taxes at the corporate rate. In fact, the tax rate applicable to them is the owner’s individual tax rate.
Capital Gains Tax
Obama plans to raise the tax rate on dividends to 20 percent from the current 15% for those making over $250,000. McCain supports maintaining the current rate, set by Bush, and argues that higher capital gains taxes affect millions of middle-income Americans.
For small business owners, again, it is first important to consider that as all S Corporations and LLCs are prohibited from paying dividends, a business would have to have investment income or be a "C" corporation to be affected. That way only the very high-income taxpayers who report the most capital gains will benefit. Many more Americans make capital gains on corporate shares they hold within tax-deferred employer-sponsored retirement plans, on which they don’t need to pay capital gains taxes. Accruals within those accounts are tax free until distributed and then are taxed as ordinary income. Hence it is likely that the 5 per cent tax hike will not affect a majority of small business owners.
The Estate Tax
Both candidates have proposed to increase the estate tax exemption and reduce the estate tax rate compared with current law in 2011 and beyond. But McCain has shown a greater opposition for the estate tax, and would cut the tax much more than Obama. Under Senator McCain’s proposal, just about 4,000 estates would be subject to tax in 2011 - less than 0.2 percent of the 2.5 million adult decedents. Under Senator Obama’s proposal for estate taxes, about 8,000 estates would be taxable in 2011.
A near repeal of the tax revenue as suggested in the McCain proposal will primarily benefit a very small group of extremely affluent families, which is a less progressive tax structure. Also, it is undecided though just how much the estate tax affects the economy, as its effects on working and saving are not clear. TPC reports that where the tax may discourage some wealthy people from saving or working by reducing the size of their after-tax bequests, it may influence others who have a fixed target amount of wealth they want to transfer to save more, in order to make up for the expected tax liability. The tax may also encourage some potential heirs to work and save more because they are less able to live well off the proceeds of their inherited estate. Statistics show though that reducing the tax doesn’t greatly influence the overall economic activity.
Tax Cuts and the Budget Deficit
Economists have stated that both candidates’ tax plans will cause huge budget deficits. Both have promised to offset the deficit with spending cuts. For instance McCain emphasizes cutting down on earmarks and federal corruption; Obama wants to cut down on war spending and call the troops home. But both candidates sorely lack key details about all the measures they will take to stop the federal deficit from ballooning in the next five years.
TPC has found that Obama's tax-reduction plan would increase the national debt by $3.5 trillion by 2018. McCain’s plan to leave existing tax cuts in place rather than let them expire would add $5 trillion to the debt.
The non-partisan Congressional Budget Office (CBO) also offers a dismal forecast, projecting a record deficit of $438 billion in the coming year due to the slowing economy, which would decrease tax receipts to the Treasury. CBO has said that the deficit is a result of decrease in tax revenues and increase in federal spending in the past years. How do the candidates then plan to sustain the huge tax cuts each has promised?
The reason for their elusiveness, apart from election politics, may be that every action they take with regards to tax credits or other spending ultimately depends on the actual budget realities they inherit once they come into office.
Lastly, it is also important to consider that each candidate’s plan stand much greater chance of implementation if the candidate’s party controls part (or all) of congress – an advantage that Obama clearly has over McCain at this point.
-----------------
While comparing both the candidates’ economic agendas, one thing is quickly made clear – both have retained the basic economic thrust of their parties. That said, both claim to have tinkered where they can to add their own touches.
Obama, for instance, has admitted to being more accommodating of free market principles than many of his fellow democrats are, even publicly appreciating some of Reagan-era policies. His idea of solving an economic crisis may be setting up a government program to address a market failure, but then he’d also like to exploit market dynamics to drive that program in long-term. Also, in an interview with The New York Times, he proposes what he calls a more ‘moral’ capitalism. The best example of this ideology would be his proposal for a windfall profits tax on oil companies. It defies everything that free market economics teaches, and yet, according to his campaign, makes up for the unjustifiable tax breaks the energy industry has received in the past.
McCain on the other hand has tried to reaffirm his reputation as a reformer, by declaring an ambitious agenda to combat federal corruption and discourage corporate lobbying for incentives and tax breaks. Simultaneously, his plan has also retained the traditional republican thrust on cutting taxes and providing the largest investors the largest incentives, promoting the same economic trickle down formula made popular by Reagan – where the effects of reducing taxes on corporate investors are expected to trickle down to the entire economy and fund the budget deficit.
In this series of articles, I've looked at certain elements of the candidates’ economic policy from a business perspective – taxes, health care, energy and trade. This is the first installment, on their tax policies.
Taxes - Reading Between the Lines
Income Tax
Obama seeks to propose a tax-cut program that is friendlier to the lower-income families, but not so much to the wealthier class making more than $250,000 a year. Interestingly, despite not cutting taxes for the entire population like McCain will, Obama’s tax plan will produce annual net savings of $900 for the population on average, as compared to McCain’s $200. Research by the non-partisan Tax Policy Center (TPC) shows how traditional big tax breaks given by Republican governments in the past haven’t always benefited lower and middle families. A major reason for this is the fact that for lower and middle-income families, it is the payroll tax – and not the income tax – which takes the most away from them. Obama’s other major cut is a $500 credit applied toward income taxes based on payroll taxes already paid.
Although unsympathetic to the top income earners when put in context with McCain’s plan, whose biggest tax reduction is for those with incomes above $2.87 million, Obama’s tax increases don’t overburden the segment. They do take away Bush’s tax cuts, but still do not entirely reverse the huge pre-tax gains made by the top 1 per cent earners whose incomes have nearly doubled in the past decade.
McCain’s campaign has promised to permanently extend the 2001 and 2003 tax cuts, increase deductions for taxpayers supporting dependents, reduce the corporate income tax rate, and allow immediate deductions for investments in certain capital equipment. His greatest tax cuts – nearly 5% - are for those making above $2.87 million. His remaining tax cuts range from 1 to 3 per cent, applicable to those making between $66,000 and $227,000.
Corporate Income Tax
One of the key emphases of McCain’s tax policy has been how it benefits the business sector. McCain has promised to cut the corporate income tax rate from 35 percent to 25 percent, which will indeed result in a significant tax break for the C Corporations. For the small business sector though, this may not be as beneficial as a majority of small corporations are S Corporations, partnerships, limited liability corporations (LLCs), or sole proprietorships, none of which pay taxes at the corporate rate. In fact, the tax rate applicable to them is the owner’s individual tax rate.
Capital Gains Tax
Obama plans to raise the tax rate on dividends to 20 percent from the current 15% for those making over $250,000. McCain supports maintaining the current rate, set by Bush, and argues that higher capital gains taxes affect millions of middle-income Americans.
For small business owners, again, it is first important to consider that as all S Corporations and LLCs are prohibited from paying dividends, a business would have to have investment income or be a "C" corporation to be affected. That way only the very high-income taxpayers who report the most capital gains will benefit. Many more Americans make capital gains on corporate shares they hold within tax-deferred employer-sponsored retirement plans, on which they don’t need to pay capital gains taxes. Accruals within those accounts are tax free until distributed and then are taxed as ordinary income. Hence it is likely that the 5 per cent tax hike will not affect a majority of small business owners.
The Estate Tax
Both candidates have proposed to increase the estate tax exemption and reduce the estate tax rate compared with current law in 2011 and beyond. But McCain has shown a greater opposition for the estate tax, and would cut the tax much more than Obama. Under Senator McCain’s proposal, just about 4,000 estates would be subject to tax in 2011 - less than 0.2 percent of the 2.5 million adult decedents. Under Senator Obama’s proposal for estate taxes, about 8,000 estates would be taxable in 2011.
A near repeal of the tax revenue as suggested in the McCain proposal will primarily benefit a very small group of extremely affluent families, which is a less progressive tax structure. Also, it is undecided though just how much the estate tax affects the economy, as its effects on working and saving are not clear. TPC reports that where the tax may discourage some wealthy people from saving or working by reducing the size of their after-tax bequests, it may influence others who have a fixed target amount of wealth they want to transfer to save more, in order to make up for the expected tax liability. The tax may also encourage some potential heirs to work and save more because they are less able to live well off the proceeds of their inherited estate. Statistics show though that reducing the tax doesn’t greatly influence the overall economic activity.
Tax Cuts and the Budget Deficit
Economists have stated that both candidates’ tax plans will cause huge budget deficits. Both have promised to offset the deficit with spending cuts. For instance McCain emphasizes cutting down on earmarks and federal corruption; Obama wants to cut down on war spending and call the troops home. But both candidates sorely lack key details about all the measures they will take to stop the federal deficit from ballooning in the next five years.
TPC has found that Obama's tax-reduction plan would increase the national debt by $3.5 trillion by 2018. McCain’s plan to leave existing tax cuts in place rather than let them expire would add $5 trillion to the debt.
The non-partisan Congressional Budget Office (CBO) also offers a dismal forecast, projecting a record deficit of $438 billion in the coming year due to the slowing economy, which would decrease tax receipts to the Treasury. CBO has said that the deficit is a result of decrease in tax revenues and increase in federal spending in the past years. How do the candidates then plan to sustain the huge tax cuts each has promised?
The reason for their elusiveness, apart from election politics, may be that every action they take with regards to tax credits or other spending ultimately depends on the actual budget realities they inherit once they come into office.
Lastly, it is also important to consider that each candidate’s plan stand much greater chance of implementation if the candidate’s party controls part (or all) of congress – an advantage that Obama clearly has over McCain at this point.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Stop ignoring Kucinich!
I don't care if most of America and all of television media consider Dennish Kucinich a nutjob -- his speech at the DNC deserved at least a few minutes of airtime on cable TV, so joyfully dedicated to 'election historians' and coverage of sullen Hillary supporters.
Instead of sticking with good old CSPAN that broadcast the convention SANS the historians and commentators, we decided to support the usually wonderful PBS which, sadly, turned out to be way too dedicated to David Brook's analysis of whatever it is that he thinks he's analyzing. When it wasn't letting David Brooks analyze whatever it is that he thinks he's analyzing, its anchors imitated their more glamorous peers at other cable TV networks in incessantly theorizing about what Hillary will say and how Hillary's supporters will feel and what Hillary supporters needed to feel. As much as I love Lehrer and Ifill and Woodruff, they can't just talk over the entire ten/fifteen minute speech of a recent presidential candidate getting the crowd on its feet right behind them, right as they speak.
Predictably, Hillary's speech was the only uninterrupted one throughout the day other than keynote speaker Mark Warner's speech. Poor Mark Warner, who made a pretty decent speech, was ignored largely by the commentators who even then just couldn't finish analyzing what Hillary will say and what Hillary's supporters will feel.
BOO! Watch Kucinich's speech here.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Eighteenth Century Toilets and Writing for No Reason
So there were no desi food stalls to stuff my face at, no green flags, no national songs. Just my crystal clear memory of torn little paper flags kissing the ground, and buildings wasting electricity in the name of celebration. But looking so criminally beautiful in the process.
Instead, over the weekend, there was my family (insert smiley here) and George Washington's darkly sparse mansion: gaudy paint, thousands of acres of beautiful slave-grown plantations, unmarked graves of the slaves who had toiled at them, and eighteenth century toilet drawers. Literally drawers actually, removable and all.
Also, the incredibly dull air and space museum...how does aviation history manage to be so supremely fascinating and supremely dull at the same time? I figure it's punishment for not getting in line for the simulator rides and relying on the engines for entertainment instead.
I suppose you could call that a rather productive weekend. And today, I'm home with the rare chance to sign in here and write aimlessly for a change, without feeling once that my sole prowess (?) should be contributing toward my economic progress at this time of the day.
It hasn't come to this yet, but for certain types of flighty individuals, the best way to end up hating the things they love to do most, is to acquire them as a profession.
Instead, over the weekend, there was my family (insert smiley here) and George Washington's darkly sparse mansion: gaudy paint, thousands of acres of beautiful slave-grown plantations, unmarked graves of the slaves who had toiled at them, and eighteenth century toilet drawers. Literally drawers actually, removable and all.
Also, the incredibly dull air and space museum...how does aviation history manage to be so supremely fascinating and supremely dull at the same time? I figure it's punishment for not getting in line for the simulator rides and relying on the engines for entertainment instead.
I suppose you could call that a rather productive weekend. And today, I'm home with the rare chance to sign in here and write aimlessly for a change, without feeling once that my sole prowess (?) should be contributing toward my economic progress at this time of the day.
It hasn't come to this yet, but for certain types of flighty individuals, the best way to end up hating the things they love to do most, is to acquire them as a profession.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Happy independence day
August 14, 2008 -- Happy independence day to all Pakistanis (and to all Indians who celebrate their independence tomorrow). So I'm trying to find out what homesick Pakistani-Americans in DC are doing this weekend to celebrate, it being my first independence day as one. I need something to anchor my once-a-year patriotism with -- basically stuff my face with food at desi stalls blasting forgotten national songs and forget that really, there is way too much to feel cynical than optimistic about this independence day. As it's been for a long, long time.
Monday, August 4, 2008
World's Worst Person Decides to Go into Marketing
'I'm Thinking...Marketing,' Says Horrible, Horrible Man
New York, July 31, 2008 — Twenty three year old Louis Deenan, undeniably the most detestable, loathsome individual ever to walk the earth, willfully decided Monday to devote his miserable life and all of its awful ambitions to the field of marketing. "I think it's the career path that will best utilize my networking skills and my ability to think outside the box," said Deenan, whose smug, gloating tone and shit-eating smile just make you want to punch his goddamn teeth in. "So I'm definitely thinking marketing. Either that, or PR." Deenan's mother refused to comment on why she didn't abort the despicable pile of human excrement when she had the chance.
Reported by The Onion
New York, July 31, 2008 — Twenty three year old Louis Deenan, undeniably the most detestable, loathsome individual ever to walk the earth, willfully decided Monday to devote his miserable life and all of its awful ambitions to the field of marketing. "I think it's the career path that will best utilize my networking skills and my ability to think outside the box," said Deenan, whose smug, gloating tone and shit-eating smile just make you want to punch his goddamn teeth in. "So I'm definitely thinking marketing. Either that, or PR." Deenan's mother refused to comment on why she didn't abort the despicable pile of human excrement when she had the chance.
Reported by The Onion
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